so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
