Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize