Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
