I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
