even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize