Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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