omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She bit a glass in half.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
