I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
