I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The adults are the big ones right?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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