i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
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