i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize