Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
