i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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