she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize
