i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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