I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
