Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize