new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i think i just lost a toe
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
