All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it was like eating out sand paper
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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