After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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