Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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