soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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