are you so shy because you have an std?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
