The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
