I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
