i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
