He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
