how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
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