he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
