I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
