Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
