i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
