my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You are the jesus of drinking
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
