Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
