i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
