If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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