dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
