I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
