I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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