Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
