I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
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