I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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