i just wanna soil my oats bro
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
