It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
