i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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