I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
