i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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