Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
