I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
