I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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