I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
