oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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