I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
