guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
