he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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