he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Everything about him screamed your future.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
