I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
