Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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