Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
