he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
