I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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