based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
