I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize