Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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