why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
