So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You ate ashes out of my bong
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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