she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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