we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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