I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
