Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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