you mean i was at the winter classic?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
