The best revenge is premature balding
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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