my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
