woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
