I CAN MOONWALK!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
