Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
