you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
