i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
